Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Top 10 All-Time Greatest 80's Anti-Drug PSA's

For those of us that grew up in the 80's, one distinct memory was that apparently, drugs were everywhere and rampantly tearing apart our youth. Go figure. And if you were like me, you were raised on Saturday morning cartoons and after-school specials. Growing up on the rough streets of suburbia Austin, Texas was tough for a precocious red-haired child like me. Thank God I had public service announcements instructing me on the dangers of marijuana, alcohol, crack, smack, heroine and cocaine. These are the best of the best.

10. McGruff the Crime Dog Sing-Along

Users are losers, and losers are users? Thanks for the sage advice Mac. Apparently, kids who love Ho Hos, orphan cripples and the skanks who dressed like Madonna are the real winners by just saying no.

9. The Snake Man

Holy hell, can you make a child purposefully piss themselves in fear any more than this spot? What happened to Lion-O and Snarff? Where did this come from? Not only do I NOT wanna do drugs, but I'm pretty sure I now have an intense fear of anyone who is not white thanks to this biased add.

8. The Diving Board

Having a dandy ol' time sounds pretty good to me. Wait a sec.... Where's the water? On second thought, no thanks. A dandy ol' time sounds horrible.

7. The Oncoming Train

Hey...what's going on? There's a train coming. Hey! Hey! Turn around you crazy bitch! There's a train coming right up on your ass! Turn arou....HEY!! HEY!! AHHHHH! DAMN YOU DRUGS!

6. Straight Up: The Greatest Anti-Drug Rap...Ever!

I love how they use "FREEZE" as a beat embellishment in this song. Quite possibly my first introduction into what would become hip-hop. Plus, drugs are for suckas, and I ain't no sucka, you dig?

5. Pee Wee's Lesson of the Day

Mekaleka-hi Mekahi...what the FUCK?! Talk about dropping a bomb on a young mind! So, crack cocaine is bad, but jerking one out in public is okay? Got it! Thanks Pee Wee.

4. A Lesson from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Joey has a real dilemma on his hands. Take the pot? Order a pizza? Or just say no? Good thing he made the right choice, and in doing so came up with the greatest line to ever be said to a drug dealer. Now if only G.I. Joe could get me to stop petting rabid, feral dogs on the street...

3. Skate Dance 80's Mega Mix Extravaganza

I probably saw this spot an average of 3 times a day. You know what I learned? I'll never be able to skate up a wall, drugs are radioactive and by just saying "No" to drugs, I have superpowers that can launch people through brick walls.

2. Like Father, Like Son

Finally! Let's put a little blame on our deadbeat parents for once. No wonder my father, who looks suspiciously like a porn star or an extra in some shitty cop movie, is always asking mom to bring home KFC for dinner.

1. The Infamous Egg

Ahh yes. Who can forget this classic? What better way to illustrate the dangers of drugs than making me hungry as hell for some fried eggs. Now what were we talking about?

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