Hellooooo Paris!

Ah, yes...Paris, France! The land of outrageous wines, cheeses and body odors. Where naps and pretentiousness go hand-in-hand. The city that gave us french toast*, french fries*, french dips* and, uh....french kissing.*
Me and my gal are off to the "City of Lights" for a week of well-earned vacation, so back off. But don't worry. I'll be back to warping your fragile little minds before you know it.

Au Revoire

**Facts are more than likely not accurate due to the moronic nature of author.
Thank you. - Mgmt.

Happy Anniversary, Dude

Today marks the 10th anniversary of the classic piece of cinema gold known as The Big Lebowski.
Can you believe it? 10 years? It feels like just yesterday, sitting in a movie theater in Lubbock, Texas, watching what was soon to become one of my all-time, Top 5 movies. With characters such as Jeffrey "The Dude" Lebowski, Walter Sobchak, Donny Kerabatsos and Jesus Quintana, not to mention Maude, Bunny, The Stranger, Jackie Treehorn and the Nihilists, one would have a hard time NOT enjoying themselves.
So, here's to you, Dude. Do your part, and watch this film in honor of the Coen brothers' genius. Unless you have league play, in which case, the dude must abide.

Shommer Shabbos.

Terminator vs. Robocop vs. Predator

Editing is just awesome.

Today's Fitness For Life

You deserve a Boogie Body. You ready?! Now here we go! Turn it up, turn it up, turn it down, turn it down, turn it up, turn it down, turn it up, turn it down....

Sexy People

If you've got a hankerin' to check out some fine lookin' peeps, check out the blog Sexy People. It's outstanding in its simplicity. This makes me wanna go rolling up to the nearest Olan Mills sporting a sweet leisure suit and skeezy 'stache. Cheeeese!

Hipster Olympics Just As Engaging

These dirty hipsters and their heir of superiority sure convey the true measure of the Olympic spirit. It's magical to watch.

Kermit Has Hit Rock Bottom

It was bound to happen. With the Muppet Show finally being canceled in 1981, the cast had to go their separate ways, and many just drifted off into obscurity. Fozzie Bear attempted a somewhat successful stand-up career, but eventually resorted to doing voice over work for a local public access show in Des Moines, Iowa. Gonzo became a regular on Dutch reality show Stüpit Müpit, until being busted on charges of possessing inappropriate photos of children. Rowlf the Dog had a brief stint with the new wave rock band Devo, but was kicked out for artistic differences. Miss Piggy, was spotted in the 8 Mile district of Detroit turning tricks for crack in '88, but has since been spotted doing snuff films in Vegas under the guise Ivana Pork-a-lot. However, none was hit harder than the proverbial leader of the gang, Kermit the Frog.

After 5 years of super-stardom accompanied by a lifestyle of money, women and drugs, it all came crashing down. The icon was gone in a flash. Through the years, Kermie has made several attempts to stage a comeback, but each time, failure seems to rear its ugly head. To help with the catharsis on the matter, he's decided to put his anguish and pain into music, covering classic artist's material. An extensively trained musician, it's no surprise he's able to take these songs and transform them into something as powerful and raw as they sound.

Indeed, the tides may be turning for the old Frog, as life seems to be welcoming him back with open arms.

Check out his site for more songs and videos.

Creep - Radiohead (as covered by Kermit T. Frog)

Kanye An Olympic Champion

Well, sort of. It's his new video for the single Champion, and the subject matter is quite fitting considering the Summer Games are going on. But damn if it doesn't feature puppets, and you know how much I love me some puppets.

Men Of The Day

These dudes are, simply put, amazing. Their skill, finesse and technique at executing the perfect take down remains unparalleled.

Top 10 Greatest 80's Cartoon Villains

As a child of the 80's, I grew up with some of the best TV programming a kid could ask for. From cheesy sitcoms to corny after-school specials, I was witness to a veritable cornucopia of trash. However, this may be witnessed in no greater a spectacle than the oh so glorious cartoons of my youth. Mesmerized as I was by the adventures and exploits of the heroes, something about those villains kept drawing me in. Was it the incredible costumes? The exaggerated accents? Or maybe it was their waaay over-the-top demeanor. Either way, those bastards kept me glued to the set day in and day out. These are the ten best at making bad look so fucking cool. I salute you.

10. Miles Mayhem – M.A.S.K.

A blatant ripoff of both G.I. Joe and Transformers, M.A.S.K. (Mobile Armored Strike Kommand) was simply a vehicle to help sell a line of toys marketed to kids in the mid-80's. Can you blame them? Shit, I would have bought a stick with a wad of gum stuck on it if you had animated it in 1984. Fittingly, I owned practically everything they sold in this line. Miles was the leader of V.E.N.O.M, (Vicious Evil Network Of Mayhem - I'm not even kidding), the force that stood against Matt Trakker and the rest of the M.A.S.K. crew. It probably didn't help that the guy looked like Mr. Belvedere, but he ran his shit tight, and no one fucked with the guy. For that, respect.

9. Baron Silas Greenback – Dangermouse

Probably one of the most hip and truly funny cartoons on air in the 80s, Dangermouse was way ahead of it's time. Basically a mouse that encompasses a secret agent, debonair lifestyle, Dangermouse's exploits were always plagued by the grotesque Baron Silas Greenback. An overweight toad of a, well, toad, Baron sounded like a 70 year-old, 2 pack-a-day smoker with some serious constipation. But oh was he ever so crafty, with his heinous sense of humor.

8. Shredder – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

As leader of the Foot Clan, Shredder was a pretty bad mofo. As the sworn enemy of Splinter, a giant rat who also happens to be a ninjutsu master, he battles with Splinter's new apprentices daily - the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. A pretty imposing figure, it's odd that they would choose none other than Uncle Phil from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air to do the voice of Shredder, but damn if he doesn't instill some fear in a kid.

7. Venger – Dungeons & Dragons

Venger was evil incarnate. Plain and simple. Once son to the Dungeonmaster, he simply became the fallen one. That may help explain why he had one horn. I guess they wanted kids to watch cartoons, but not shit their pants at the site of Lucifer himself. Either way, with the voice of Peter Cullen (Optimus Prime's voice too) and the giant wings and kick ass black steed he rode, Venger was about as cool as they came.

6. Doctor Claw – Inspector Gadget

Alright. Without a doubt, the Doc had THE coolest voice of them all. That deep, gurgly growl haunted our dreams. And with his iron clad fist, he knew how to put the dread in his adversaries, not to mention his giggling, leering pussy M.A.D. cat. Any chance to smack that feline bitch around was time well spent I said. He could have had the face of a twelve year-old, but with a voice like that, the man must have had balls made of steel.

5. Gargamel – The Smurfs

Another cat owner who could bring on some serious shit with his shenanigans was Gargamel. This bad boy sorcerer's whole existence was to basically torment those little blue bastards. Eat them, torture them, use them in potions...it didn't matter to him. The only good Smurf was a dead Smurf. Shit, the dude even created a friggin' female version of a Smurf to bring ruin down upon their village, but leave it to good ol' fucking Papa Smurf to ruin Gargy's plans. With little help from his cat Azrael, it was Gargamel's persistence that made him special.

4. COBRA Command (COBRA Commander, Destro & Serpentor) – G.I. Joe

This entry comes in as a 3 way tie, due to the sheer fact that not one of these individuals was able to keep his shit together long enough to make it rain all over G.I. Joe's parade. Okay, so COBRA Commander may have been the REAL leader, but Destro was just about as efficient. An arms dealer and pretty bad guy himself, he would have loved to take over COBRA's command. But leave it to the Commander to bring in help and try and fashion a supreme emperor - Serpentor. Okay...so who's leading now? Who gives a shit? As long as COBRA's up to some shit, I'm happy.

3. Mumm-Ra – Thundercats

Who knew mummies could be so fucking sweet? This son of a bitch is completely out of his gourd. Laughing maniacally, slurring his words and ripping off his wrappings, he acts more like my old college dorm roommate after a weekend bender. With a foe this coo-coo, it's no doubt the Thundercats were dropping loads in their kitty litter at the sheer sight of this badass.

2. Skeletor – He-Man & the Masters of the Universe

Now we're talking. This here is the man, er...what's left of him. Skeletor is the shit. Call him what you will. Demon. Warlord. Evil Lord of Destruction. One bad mothafucka. Ruling with an iron fist from Snake Mountain in the dark lands of Eternia, Skeletor knew how to torment. The only drawbacks were the fact that he took himself waaay to seriously, not to mention his weak ass, extemely nasal-delivered voice. It's a wonder any of his henchmen took him seriously. For a dude so big and with so much power, you would think he could have fastened some sort of spell to help him sound like a beast. Alas, sometimes you're just not cut out to be all things, even if you are a black magic practicing, sinister trickster.

1. Megatron – Transformers

And here we are. The numero uno spot. I can think of no other character that fits the bill better than Megatron. The fallen brother of do-gooder Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots, Megatron formed his own gang of miscreants – the Decepticons. Bad through and through, he's one to fear. First off, he's an imposing figure, with a pretty evil sounding voice to boot. Second, he turns into a goddamn gun. That blasts the shit out of robots. Third, he doesn't take shit off of anyone, including his own men (looking at you, Starscream). Cheat, steal, lie – this guy will do anything to win, including brotherly murder. That's some cold ass, biblical shit right there. And when he does finally fall, what happens? He sells his soul to Unicron and becomes Galvatron, an even BIGGER fuckin' gun. Or is it a tank? Does it matter? The fact is, Megatron truly brings the ruckus. That is why he covets the number one spot.

Mmmmmm...Mr. Spriggs!

Now that's what I call tasty.

Mr. T & Snickers: Saving the Day

It really satisfies.

Albums Of My Life

Considering today is a little on the slow side (for once), I've decided to trace back the roots of my life in an interesting way. Here is a list of essential records that came out each year of my existence. Starting with the year I was born and leading up to the present, these are my selections for the albums that define who I am and how I came to be. Some are a blend of what I appreciate now and what I was into that year. Hence, some embarrassment is probably in order. Take into consideration that not all of these are still my favorite. They just happened to be my favorite at the time. So, on that note, if you don't agree or have a different opinion, you can rightly go screw yourself. I regret nothing!!

1979 – The Clash - The Clash
1980 – The Clash - London Calling
1981 – The Stray Cats - Stray Cats
1982 – Michael Jackson - Thriller
1983 – Def Leppard - Pyromania
1984 – Bob Marley & the Wailers - Legend
1985 – Tears for Fears - Songs From the Big Chair
1986 – Bon Jovi - Slippery When Wet
1987 – U2 - Joshua Tree
1988 – Journey - Greatest Hits
1989 – Garth Brooks - Garth Brooks (Bite your tongue)
1990 – Enigma - MCMXC A.D.
1991 – Pearl Jam - Ten
1992 – ** Tie ** Stone Temple Pilots - Core & Dr. Dre - The Chronic
1993 – Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dreams
1994 – ** Tie ** Weezer - The Blue Album & Live - Throwing Copper
1995 – 311 - 311
1996 – ** Tie ** Dave Matthews Band - Crash & Tool - Ænima
1997 – Radiohead - OK Computer
1998 – KoRN - Follow the Leader
1999 – Guster - Lost & Gone Forever
2000 – OutKast -Stankonia
2001 – Jimmy Eat World - Bleed American
2002 – Coldplay - A Rush of Blood to the Head
2003 – The Mars Volta - De-Loused in the Comatorium
2004 – ** Tie ** Arcade Fire - Funeral & Muse - Absolution
2005 – Sufjan Stevens - Illinois
2006 – Deftones - Saturday Night Wrist
2007 – Radiohead - In Rainbows
2008 – ** So far ** Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes & Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend

Yeah, so there it is. If you wanna get in on the fun, then check out either this site or this site. They'll help you compile a list of your own.

Boats 'N Hoes

I'm really glad to see good ol' fashion, filthy gangsta rap is coming back in a big way, as clearly seen in this clip from the movie Step Brothers. With lines such as I'm a pussy pirate / My name is Jack Sparrow / Take off my pants / You can see my flesh arrow, it's hard not to recognize the pure genius of these two man-children. Look for big things to come from their new venture, Prestige Worldwide, a “multi-service” corporation specializing in such things as financial planning, talent management, catering, and live musical entertainment. Chuch!

Gnarls Barkley :: Who's Gonna Save My Soul

If you've ever had the unequivocal joy of being dumped, then this video is for you. Considering most of us HAVE infact been shit on at one time or another, most of you will immediately be able to relate. For those that have not had that feeling, consistently sitting in your tower and doling out the dumps to those poor souls who cease to have any heart, then fuck you very much. Enjoy your stay in the 7th ring of hell.

Man Man In The Streets

by lablogotheque

This is why I love Man Man. Not only do they walk around the streets of Paris like a fucking mad carnival let loose, they get the crowd involved all the way. These guys continue to put on one of the more impressive shows you can hope to see.

Courtesy of La Blogotheque - Check out the site for more clips of the band.

The Dark Knight Turbo Pwns Box Office

If you're one of the three morons in the U.S. that didn't see The Dark Knight this weekend, then you need to seriously get your priorities straight and go see the damn movie right now. It's one of the only times that you'll truly find a picture actually live up to all the hype and raving madness. It's THAT good. If it were a cocktail, it would be a bacon martini. If it were a mythical creature, it would be a giant, winged gorilla with the claws of a velociraptor, the head of a serpent and the breasts of Athena. It makes House Party 1 look like House Party 2. Not only did it make 158 million dollars in the U.S. alone this past weekend, but from what I understand, it also took in 467 billion* dollars....in Canada.
The acting, the story, the sets, the action...everything is amped up in this one. I heard that when Chris Nolan finally finished the film, the heavens split, and God looked down upon the film and said "You are my finest Creation above all else." And it was good. It was sooo good.

*Figures are rough estimates

Radiohead :: House Of Cards

Radiohead just released their new video for House Of Cards, and just as you would assume, it's pretty amazing. You may have to watch it a few times just to appreciate it fully, especially considering the fact that the video was entirely shot WITHOUT cameras or lights. It's all just data recorded using lots of fancy devices that my pea-sized brain is incapable of comprehending. Watch it here, and be sure to check out the extras, including a "how'd they do that" short and some nifty data visualizations to play around with. Then you can go eat lunch.

Hell Ride > Citizen Kane

This looks incredibly trashtastic. I have to see it.

You Gotta Love Harvest Time

I feel like I'm getting a little juicy right now.